Butt plug sharing is a no no.

10. Dark Tanning Oil – In the ’70s and ’80s this would have been a perfectly acceptable stocking stuffer. These days, tanning oil without sunscreen is about as politically correct as bacon-wrapped candy cigarettes.

9. Power Sex-Ess – A Subliminal CD that is supposed to help you attract a mate. The recipient will know that you have given up the hope of him finding a mate when you call upon his subconscious mind to get the job done.

8. Penis Rejuvenator Pills – Rejuvenation? Is that really a word you should use to describe male genitalia? What happened to it that it needs rejuvenation? Did it rust from years of misuse? Was it damaged in a pickle cutter? Either way, if you need to restore an old friend, maybe you could shop in private.

7. The Complete Idiot’s Guide To The Kama Sutra – A few years back I bought my Mom The Idiot’s Guide to Retirement Planning and I caught hell for that one. I can’t imagine the wrath I would encounter if I bought my wife The Idiot’s Guide To The Kama Sutra. She would probably put me in the 17th Position of the Ananga Ranga and then leave me there.

6. Perky Panties – Perky Panties is a lingerie wash that contains pheromones. It is useful if you want to attract men directly to your crotch. Sort of puts the Ho in Ho-Ho-Ho.

5. Goodbye Cellulite – Goodbye Cellulite is a lotion that reduces the appearance of cellulite on a woman’s butt. Buy it for your girlfriend and you’ll never see one again.

4. Blood In Stool Test – Happy Holidays! Poop on this test and it will tell you if there are any problems with your innards.

3. Romeo Vibe – It seems that every year there is some type of sex toy that makes its way out to the public. This year, the Romeo vibe was on Oprah. But, just because Miss Winfrey showed it off, doesn’t mean your Aunt Wanda wants to see it.

2. Today Sponge – This little sponge soaked in spermicide only makes a good “stocking stuffer” in the reproductive sense.

1. The My Guy Pillow Case – It’s a guy-shaped pillow-case that has one arm. You are supposed to cuddle with it. I tried it, but all I could think was, “Where is his other arm?” Did my new friend lose it in combat? Or in an industrial accident? Perhaps it was cut off by a pickle cutter?