There is a lot of reasons we like the Epic Beard Man video, the least of which is it’s increasingly viral-ness.

Really you have a lot to choose from in what’s become known as the “Epic Beard Man”: Watching Santa Claus win hands down in the beat down of a thug, the laughing passengers or the girl at the end who dives into her cheese doodles like she’s at the drive in movie.

We’ll let you decide. God Bless AMerica and god bless you, Epic Beard Man!

Even god thinks Garrett Kinley's a loser

CHINO, CA—In an unprecedented and historic event Monday, the “I Am Under 18″ button, an Internet security device which if selected restricts access to websites featuring adult content, was clicked for the first time ever. “I knew I could simply claim to be over 18 and continue onto my desired destination, but I also realized that I would have to live with that lie for the rest of my life,” said local resident Garrett Kinley, 17. “I admit, I was curious to see what type of material I would find on www.juggworld.com, but that button was clearly placed there for a reason, and let’s face it: 17 and three-quarters is not 18. I plan to return to the site three months from now, when I will be mature enough to handle its content.” Moments later, Kinley’s friend Dave Gerrard, 17, pushed Kinley aside and clicked the “I Am Over 18″ button himself, at which point a tactical police unit broke down his bedroom door and arrested him.

Butt plug sharing is a no no.

10. Dark Tanning Oil – In the ’70s and ’80s this would have been a perfectly acceptable stocking stuffer. These days, tanning oil without sunscreen is about as politically correct as bacon-wrapped candy cigarettes.

9. Power Sex-Ess – A Subliminal CD that is supposed to help you attract a mate. The recipient will know that you have given up the hope of him finding a mate when you call upon his subconscious mind to get the job done.

8. Penis Rejuvenator Pills – Rejuvenation? Is that really a word you should use to describe male genitalia? What happened to it that it needs rejuvenation? Did it rust from years of misuse? Was it damaged in a pickle cutter? Either way, if you need to restore an old friend, maybe you could shop in private.

7. The Complete Idiot’s Guide To The Kama Sutra – A few years back I bought my Mom The Idiot’s Guide to Retirement Planning and I caught hell for that one. I can’t imagine the wrath I would encounter if I bought my wife The Idiot’s Guide To The Kama Sutra. She would probably put me in the 17th Position of the Ananga Ranga and then leave me there.

6. Perky Panties – Perky Panties is a lingerie wash that contains pheromones. It is useful if you want to attract men directly to your crotch. Sort of puts the Ho in Ho-Ho-Ho.

5. Goodbye Cellulite – Goodbye Cellulite is a lotion that reduces the appearance of cellulite on a woman’s butt. Buy it for your girlfriend and you’ll never see one again.

4. Blood In Stool Test – Happy Holidays! Poop on this test and it will tell you if there are any problems with your innards.

3. Romeo Vibe – It seems that every year there is some type of sex toy that makes its way out to the public. This year, the Romeo vibe was on Oprah. But, just because Miss Winfrey showed it off, doesn’t mean your Aunt Wanda wants to see it.

2. Today Sponge – This little sponge soaked in spermicide only makes a good “stocking stuffer” in the reproductive sense.

1. The My Guy Pillow Case – It’s a guy-shaped pillow-case that has one arm. You are supposed to cuddle with it. I tried it, but all I could think was, “Where is his other arm?” Did my new friend lose it in combat? Or in an industrial accident? Perhaps it was cut off by a pickle cutter?

Read more at cracked.com

A great way to put a crappy Russian spy camera to use!

John Lecarre's imagination come to life

Nothing says great porn like a REAL Russian spy who likes sex and is not ashamed to pose nude. For those of you just returning from a the planet Mars, Ana Chapman is one of ten arrested people who are involved in a Russian spy operation.

Nowadays Russia is sending spies towards US because there hasn’t been any obvious friction between these countries for a long time. In fact, they have sent more porn stars than spies – well until we found out some of the porn stars WERE spies!

As a huge “From Russia With Love” fan, I was excited to see reality follow fiction, as luscious spy Ana Chapman was described as a BDSM fan who likes nipple clamps and whips!

Well, this is a surprise ending... it looked like she was gonna get off.

AUGUST 25–A Cincinnati woman was simultaneously masturbating with a sex toy and watching a pornographic video while driving last week, according to cops who arrested her on assorted criminal charges.

Colondra Hamilton, 36, was pulled over last Tuesday evening in a traffic stop triggered when cops noticed she was driving a 2008 Pontiac with overly tinted windows.

That’s when officers noticed that Hamilton’s pants were unbuttoned. And she had a vibrator in her lap. Questioned by cops, Hamilton admitted to engaging in auto erotic manipulation, and revealed that she had also been watching a porno movie that was playing on the laptop of a friend in the passenger seat, according to an Elmwood Place Police Department report.

Hamilton, pictured in the above mug shot, was booked into the Hamilton County jail on a misdemeanor count of driving with “impaired alertness.” Hamilton was also charged with possession of drug paraphernalia since cops found a “broken piece of crack pipe” in her purse.

She was not, however, accused of using the pipe while she was driving and masturbating and watching an X-rated film, the title of which was not released.

Read more at the Smoking Gun

This cream makes her bitchy and hard to nail.

Liquid Virgin advertises itself as a Vaginal Contracting Lubricant. If you’ve ever heard of China Shrink Cream, you already have an idea of how Liquid Virgin works. Liquid Virgin temporarily tightens the walls of the vagina.

QUICK FACT: This product turns back the clock and allows you to experience the first time every time. It claims to moisturize and shrink.

I got some of this years ago at a toy party and was very thrilled to find that it actually worked as advertised.

Liquid Virgin is a lubricant as well. As a result, you feel tighter with the added benefit of extra lubrication.

The directions instruct you to apply a few drops to the desired area 15 minutes prior to any activity for desired results and lubrication.

3 kids were not the friendliest to my stuff, you know.

1. Riding in the trunk of someone’s car due to lack of room. Example: “Erika’s tiniest, she gets to ride dead hooker.”
2. A dead prostitute. Example: “Woah whats that smell, you guys I think there’s a dead hooker under the bed.”
3. Golden Tee Arcade Game-because dudes at the bar group around the thing staring at it like it’s a fucking dead hooker. Example: “boyfriend-less at the bar again…another man lost to the Dead Hooker...”

Example of the #2 kind.

Unless you have this kind of refrigerator, then its completely acceptable.

Playing cards as sexual predators

I want to go on record right now as saying the use of the “N” word is never acceptable. I even think it’s it’s wrong when Lil Wayne calls his homeys “my niggers” and I even told him so. Waiting in the emergency room to get patched up after some “schooling” by Lil Wayne’s  own secret service, I happened to read the headlines about Mel Gibson’s latest racist rant.

With the report that Mel Gibson has been dropped by his talent agency William Morris over his latest rant that his wife would be raped by a “pack of niggers”, we couldn’t help but wonder with Hollywood’s fascination with this mystical threat to white woman everywhere. Ok, we had the central park jogger, but that was a long time ago.

The more recent history was Sandra Bernhart suggesting that then Vice Presidential candidate Sara Palin would be raped by a “pack of niggers”. This was considered a funny rant by a very ugly lesbian, but I think it was just wrong. It’s really weird how the Secret Service missed it. I’m thinking they were too anxious to possibly catch a glimpse of Ann Heche tongue dueling with Sandra.

But other than that, does Mel really think that black men go around in groups trying to sexual violate white woman who are either right wing political candidates or hot skinny gold diggers with big fake boobs?

I have been to both Atlantic City and Las Vegas, and I know what it feels to be ass raped by playing cards, so I won’t deny the threat. I also can see why Sandra Bernhardt’s secret attraction to Sarah Palin would show itself as aggression. But I think it’s time we stop using the phrase, “pack of niggers”. It’s demoralizing to both blacks and playing cards alike.

Lost one too many hands of blackjack

Couldn't get anyone to play poke her with her - ever

If you like chicks and guns, you might want to click on Sarah's picture

In times of war, it's important not to forget the ladies left at home. That's why this US war poster urges you to seek out and bang the wives and girlfriends of servicemen. Preferably from behind. This was the precursor to the Clinton style government sanctioned adultery.

As the US government takes a larger part in American’s lives, the average citizen finds himself pushing back against such “intrusions” into their personal lives. What we seem to forget, is that during war time, governments are typically granted extraordinary powers. In the US war on obesity, trans fats are banned from restaurants, and salt is next on the FBI’s most wanted list. And even adultery is sanctioned, even encouraged, if it supports the war effort.

And I don’t mean the “grope the soccer mom after Johnny’s game kind of adultery”, I mean institutionalized, full blown government sanctioned adultery. The fact is, it’s good for America.

How you ask? Shut the fuck up and I’ll tell you. With all the wars we are in, there are a lot of women left home alone, using dildoes and other means to satisfy their sexual urges. (like these here) While this provides short term relief in the long term the lack of real physical contact leads to craziness and social fuckupness (our word, not theirs).

So go to that going away party for your buddy who joined the Army, and after he ships off the Iran or Afghanistan, be sure and ship your johnson into his girl. For your country.

Even the "actress" acknowledes the dog on the couch, and seems a little apprehensive that Fido is gearing up to be next in the congo line.

“Tell us more about doggy style things” you ask. Or someone did. Our research has led us to two disturbing things we wanted to share with you. First is the misconception of the term. To d”do it doggy style” means for one partner to be on all fours while the other partner(s) mounts from behind. Pretty straightforward right? Well some of us do get it wrong.

Take these artists from Step1 models. They get the first part right, but then they add the actual dog into the scene. As you can see by his expression, he either doesn’t give a fuck or maybe has just been fucked…possibly by Edwin Robles – see below. .

Edwin Robles, 53, faces a felony bestiality charge, according to police.

Robles is accused of performing the sexual act on his dog, named Chain, police said. Police went to Robles’ home after receiving a tip from the Osceola County Sheriff’s Department in Florida, according to Lt. Rebecca Brown with Clayton police.

Whats really fucked up is this comes from a thread titled “More Bestiality Arrests”. Like it’s an ongoing thing or something. Sheesh!